She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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