Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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