So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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