What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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