tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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