i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
