You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
