I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
only you would photoshop your dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
