just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
