do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
