shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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