i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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