"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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