you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found puke in my bra..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
