I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
