If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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