The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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