dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
