My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
