she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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