i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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