I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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