i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
