i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
