I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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