We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
