So drunk its hurt
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
