Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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