I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
