so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
