So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Still dying that you shit outside
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
