idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
