My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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