am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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