Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
