I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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