He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
