STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
