She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
