are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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