worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
