Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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