I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
