what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
