i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
