i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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