we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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