i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
