i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
