I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
