and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have aggressive nipples.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
