it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
