just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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