I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
