Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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