after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
