i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
