we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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