I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
