I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize