Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
