He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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