so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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