I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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