Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
